if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
