just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
