He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
