I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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