she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
