I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
