I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
