I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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