They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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