You made me cry and you don't even care
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
