this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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