I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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