Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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