Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
