Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
whose parrot is this?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
