No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
