i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
