I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
are you so shy because you have an std?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Randomize
