Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
