I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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