i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
