it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
