Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
