You made me cry and you don't even care
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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