i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
