his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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