just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
