My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
