Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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