Whod you bang
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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