Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
