Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
