Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
