i just made my gag reflex go away.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Randomize
