I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
