a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
