I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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