Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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