Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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