Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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