i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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