The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
