I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
