So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
