Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
