so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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