Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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