dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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