she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
