Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
