just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
