she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
