I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
