my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Duck Duck Cougar?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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