Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
